Birds of America
In this movie, one of the characters has a scene in which he lays down in the middle of the road. He already looks pretty bent out of shape, but in any case he decides to lay there. It does a close up of his emotionless face lying sideways on the ground and it seems to be a pretty intense moment but you don’t know why just yet. Towards the end of the movie, his older brother asks him why he did this (lie down on the road) because he was consequently hit by a car. The guy answers “I just wanted to feel”. Kind of a crazy way to go about things, but I don’t think he was necessarily plotting to get hit by a car. Either way, his words hold a lot of meaning. Being at a place where you feel void of emotions is kind of scary. As humans, we are intended to feel things deeply, and when it doesn’t seem that we do just that, it feels inhuman. Obviously. With all this in mind, I don’t want to sit around (metaphorically speaking) and wonder when the world is going to give me the next big thrill that I can experience or a season of happiness to be placed in front of me. I’m going to look around at all the things that I have experienced, be at peace with living even in the least of these seasons. Even the seemingly motionless ones, so to speak. Whatever it is that happens next in my life is going to be big, though. I can tell you that. I tend to map out time in my mind as stepping stones. I’m holding on to the high hopes that I’m only going in an upward reaching step next. That’s the only thing that I can feel. So I’m holding tight to that for now.
